First Born Apron Strings Trimmed

This day has been talked about for sometime at our house. Taylin has wanted to go to school for a year and a half...or forever. I use to think, until five months ago, I will be just fine sending her off to school. Then we moved and I picked up the registration form for Taylin's home school. As tears filled my eyes behind my sunglasses, I worried if the school was the best I could give her. The hunt was on. Three months later, she is in the school I am most confident in and it is one of the closest of my top five choices.

Then came the reality. I still find moisture behind my eyelids.

My oldest is going to school. Sure I am excited for one less child at home. She is my most dependable. She can't go. Not Taylin, she is my helper. She potties on her own. She can entertain herself if she needs to. She could make a sandwich if I were really desperate. She understands directions and is obedient. She does exercise agency at times. Why would that make my day any easier to send her off? Well, that just means she is ready, right?


I have thought a lot about why parents are so emotional about dropping their child off the first day of school. Is it because I will miss her? I am sure I will. I am handing my child over to a teacher I met four days ago for most of the day. Is she ready? Yes, she is excited to learn and make new friends. What about those days that are harder and I am not the one that is there to lift her up until 3PM. Did I prepare her to stand up for what is right? To be a friend to all? To respect the adults? But run, kick and scream if you don't know them (that is everybody right now)? Can she open everything in her lunchbox? Mostly, yes. She will be getting new packages with the convenience of sending a lunch (I didn't think about this until the note came home about sending things they can open. Of course no teacher wants to open 17 plus food items.). What is she going to learn not just from her teacher but from her new peers? Will I like it? Not always.


I now have reached a new phase of motherhood. I actually might have to wake up before the kids to assure I am ready to go before any interruptions and I can then get them ready. I no longer feed my kids when we are finally hungry. I send a lunch prepared ahead of time. I will have to make sure the kids, at home, eat early enough to nap before it is time to pick their sister up. I have to be somewhere everyday before 9AM and again at 3PM. I have no idea what my child is doing for six hours of the day. I can only trust the notes that come home and my child's elaborate details of the day (that is a little sarcasm...I am sure the details will fade and my child will have done the popular "nothing" at school).

Cohen will be "the big man on campus" now. He and Kennedy will grow closer. Cohen sure will miss his big sis! Buddies! I can just see it now when Taylin gets home wiped out. Cohen will say,"Taylin, let's play this, and this and that. Taylin, come on let's play!"

I will be that first time mom with the camera sending her off to school. Especially since David is on call and his last well wishes were Saturday night and a tender phone call the night before. I am tickled to see her in her over sized backpack and her new outfit that she so excitedly wanted to go into the fitting room for. She is so tiny, but so grown up!

Will I be that annoying mom that knows exactly how perfect her child is and everything the teacher says against my child can't be true? Will I be that annoying mom that is a certified teacher and thinks things should change...or just let the teacher teach? Can I just be the perfect mom that helps, but knows when enough is enough and supports her child's teacher?

Well, time is up. All I have taught her for now will have to get her through the first few days of school. I can only hope we can have an open communication and I can buffer whatever she learns from her peers. I hope that I have enough faith that my prayers will be answered. I hope that I can be a good example while she is home and love her enough and more that she knows how special she is no matter what comes her way. I hope she knows I love her, God loves her and she can conquer that world she is stepping into.

Yes, it is just kindergarten. It is the world. I will be rethinking my role as her mother at other steps she takes. I have complete confidence in Taylin. I have faith in the Lord.


I love you Taylin! My big girl! Spread your wings and soar!