A new perspective

I don't know exactly how to start this or how much is going to be too much. We will just see how much I can type before Teague wakes to eat.
***Fore-warning: you might want to stop reading if you are in a public place.***
I haven't been sick...knock-you-out-sick...in a long time...or ever. I had the stomach bug when Cohen was nine months, but that wasn't anything compared to the flu I had two weeks ago. Tuesday I was feeling a little icky. I thought it was something a good night rest (as good as I can get) would help. The fever kicked in over night and I was worthless the next day. Thank goodness David was home. Even though he had to work that night, he was able to be with the kids. I was not allowed to be around little ones, Teague especially (Dr. Hubby's orders). Taylin was home from school too, because she had a fever the day before. She was fine that day, but they are supposed to stay home 24 hours. I fed Teague once and the doctor sent me to bed. I slept four plus hours. I woke up coughing. Taylin and Kennedy were so concerned. I am not sure if it was due to my cough or the fact that mom was gone and out for so long. Then I tried to get up for a while. I was still pretty worthless. I was lacking a lot of energy and still had a fever and other symptoms.

While I was sitting at the dining room table watching my family "lively" functioning around me...I was awakened to a new perspective that I have never thought of or felt I could relate one bit. I thought about my mom and how she was sick for two years. I know she had her highs, but I know she had little energy or strength. I was sad I couldn't be there for my kids just a few days. My heart just broke. I couldn't imagine the heartache my mom had when she had to stay at home and in bed while we were all going about our lives. My mom was so upbeat and positive. She is much better than I! I have so much to learn. I remember the numerous basketball, softball games and powerlifting meets she still made it to with her oxygen and wheelchair. How can I forget the mask she wore with the lips she drew on them. Oh, Mom, you are such a hoot! I also remember my Junior prom. We were all out taking pictures and my mom was inside in her bed. I am sure she didn't mind or would rather have not...but I regret that I didn't go inside and get a picture with her.

I am amazed at how much more she suffered than my lousy flu. Far from a comparison, but a glimpse of what Mom endured for so long. David and Taylin were in the kitchen and dining room while I was thinking about this, so it became an open discussion. David is wise. He said, "I am sure she had strength when she needed it." I know she did. Taylin was so sweet. We discuss Mom often and she is fully aware of who she is and her illness. Taylin asked if I helped Mom when she was sick. I told her we were older kids and the biggest help we were was to take care of ourselves, so Mom and Dad could focus on Mom and hopefully not worry about us as much. I do remember bringing Mom meals and helping with other things. I also remember cuddling up in bed with Mom throughout the days. Looking back, there is always more I wish I had done. Mom is still such an amazing example! I can't believe it has been over twelve years. I still feel very close. Some of the hardest days are when I need her parenting advice or just for her to say the experiences I am having as a mother are somewhat normal.

I love you, Mom! Thanks for being there rain or shine. You were so full of charity and so unselfish. You were with us and still are even though physically it wasn't and isn't always possible.