Undercover

Not really, BUT!

We are going PRIVATE. Let us know if you are interested in staying "highly" informed. If I know it is private, I might...just might, keep you more up to date.

Happy Halloween, Santa

October was a month well celebrated. All the anticipation leading up to Thursday, Friday and Saturday, sprinkled with some seed roasting and cookie making on Sunday. Saturday night we returned from a fun filled day and bags of candy from the Trunk-or-Treat. After all settled and in jammies for bed...I still couldn't get Taylin to bed. She was at the kitchen table working dillegently. We kept reminding her it was time to go to bed and she could finish what she was doing tomorrow. She continued her work. We inquired what she was working so hard on. She was writing a letter to Santa. What? We still have one day of October left and Santa is on the mind?! She finished and went to bed. She was a very tired girl. They had a camp out the night before and a busy day of fun.



The next morning I was laying clothes out for church and I saw Taylin's letter to Santa. I wasn't going to read it unless she brought it to our attention. I was curious what she wanted for Christmas, and what was so pressing she wanted to write it down now. To my surprise, this is what I read (just as she wrote it):



"Dear Santa,



Thanks for all the presents. I'm looking forward to seeing you next year. You don't need to breing that much presents next year. I Love you.



Sincerly,

Taylin



P.S. You can bring this home.



(with a picture of Santa holding hands with Taylin on the back)"



I teared up with emotion. Such a sweet gal! She is beyond me! I tried to pry, just a little, at what might have prompted her. Was it because we kept saying we have to give toys away if we wanted new ones? Was it because she was grateful from all the fun and goodies this weekend? Is she just that sweet!?



She didn't say much as to why she wrote it, so I left it at that.





Dear Santa,



Happy Halloween! I don't need anything for Christmas. I am so blessed already with a fabulous family and children with such great spirits! Enjoy your cookies and milk anyway. Keep blessing those kids that know they are children of God and still believe in you.



May your season be bright!


Amanda

Rev@luti@n

Just a peek at our special dance moves. This song gets us going. Every time it played, we would have to replay it several times for the kids.

Alexander kind of day...

...could have been. But it wasn't. I was feeling really good after dinner as the kids were getting ready for bed. Unfortunately, I can't say that I usually feel that way after such long days and days David is working late. I really did! So I reflected on why this was so. Wow, it sounded like Alexander's no good, terrible, horrible, very bad day. Here is how it went:





Dropped kids off at school. Cohen insisted that he should wear his hat. I didn't bend.



Teague, Kennedy and I went to Super Walmart...the one I always get lost trying to get there.



Dropped the car off to get an oil change, was told it will be about an hour and forty-five minutes. Tires rotated too.



Slowly shopped, not intentionally. My first time to use competitor ads, phew!



Got home just in time to run the groceries in the house and fridge. Teague fell asleep an hour early for his nap.



Hustled to kids school to pick them up from half a day. There are too many of those and it throws the day off. They also tend to land on the days David is on call/working late, late.



Came home ate lunch. Found some coupons I could have used and saved at least 3 or 4 more dollars.



Since we were off our nap schedule, I devoted more time to get them tired. We went to our neighborhood grocery store to pick up the 15 items we had left that were cheaper there and I had better coupons for.



Kids cranky by this point.



Hurry them home, put two little ones to bed. Late nap.



Quiet time was observed.



Dinner was the kids favorite: chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and grapes. Changed the brand and they were only fond of the grapes I got for 99 cents a pound!



I didn't have any cheese for my burrito. A leftover I have been eating for lunch or dinner for a week.



David doesn't get off tonight until 9PM at the earliest.





So how could I possibly feel like I didn't get run over by a steam roller and was ready to get the kids in bed two hours early, eat a tub of cookie dough and watch something outlandish? This is what I came to the conclusion: Number one...my kids had great attitudes today and my refereeing was limited. Number two...all the little things:



The kids were all ready on time and we got out the door with everything for our errands and got the kids to school before the first bell rang.



We saw a little airport while we were in search for the Wal-mart.



Service was great.



Kids were amazing. Teague stayed in the cart the whole time. Kennedy stayed close with only two wondering moments. No tantrums. 98cent Goldfish to endure the produce section.



The patient cashier with a first time competitive ad shopper.He even gave me milk for a cheaper price than I had an ad for. I got some awesome deals.



We were early to pick up Taylin and Cohen, so I got a good spot and didn't have to walk far in the September triple digits.



We got home and the kids emptied their backpacks and unloaded everything into the new filing system we started yesterday...before I had to remind them.



Everyone ate their lunch and stayed at their seats the entire lunch. I was able to eat my lunch with them.



Got a front parking spot next to a cart return that had a car cart in it.



Found out I made some good buys at Wal-mart, but still had some good buys at Fry's.



Spent more money, but saved more money.



The car part of the cart wasn't loaded with candy from the check out line. Whatever did get put in there only took a matter of seconds to return to its proper spot on the shelf.



A sweet lady, looked at me and said the infamous, "You have a full load." Then she smiled and gave me an endearing pat on the back.



While making sure no one fell out of the cart or darted into the parking lot, sweet drivers paused and let me cross the road.



Teague and Kennedy went to sleep without much of a fight.



Taylin and Cohen were working on their homework when I came back from putting little ones to sleep.



Cuddled with Taylin and Cohen to read a story, practice spelling words.



Played a fun game of spelling/pattern/letter, etc. baseball with Taylin and Cohen to practice some of their lessons. Lots of laughs, no disagreeing! Teague even rounded the bases a few times. He was able to advance a base if he gave high fives or pointed to a familiar object or repeated a word. We were all laughing by the end and nobody cared who won or how many points they had.



Kennedy woke up in a good mood and low maintenance.



Everyone was ready for bed by 7:15 without too much direction/redirection.



Read some books with more cuddling and no one fighting over their seating positions.



Had enough time to watch a little Nick Mega Music Event.



Said prayers without arguing who was going to say it and who was doing what during the prayer.



Lots of hugs, kisses and more cuddles and cooperation to bed!



We missed David! I am sure glad there was joy and smiles regardless of the events of the day. My kids really did make my day. They made it possible and all worth it! It was Amanda's great, spectacular, awesome, very good day. Now for some good reading, maybe some Dancing with the Stars as I await my hubby to cuddle!



Here's to Wednesday.



Have a great day!

Holding Hands

Cohen didn't take to kindergarten very well at first. Yes, he went to class without a fight. My favorite part of the day is dropping them off (minus the chaotic drop off traffic, there is no rhyme or reason). I love watching Cohen and Taylin walk each other to their lines to put their backpacks down and off to play for a bit before the bell rings. They are such buddies. They walk with a little bounce in their step, holding hands, waving good-bye with big grins (dimples and all) and off to meet their friends. They walk hand in hand on the way to the playground. So sweet!



When coming home he would do anything to avoid homework. I don't want him to hate school or homework, so I didn't force him. Yes, it took some coaxing and Daddy time to write his name a few times (Yep, that was all his homework was.). He did it. He just didn't want to write his name, especially C-o-h-e-n. He doesn't want to do it that way. He prefers: C-o-H-e-N. I am not worried about it. He has a whole year to figure it out. At least it doesn't have a silent four at the end anymore and he didn't change that to a silent five. He also came home a couple of times saying he didn't like school or he thought we had more fun at home.



He is enjoying himself much more. His big thing is buying his lunch (they offer at least chicken nuggets or pizza everyday). It is a break for me, but lacks in the best choice of food. Taylin was that way too, but she prefers to take it now. Another big thing for Cohen is his friend count. He has gone from four to five to ten to eleven to eighty and even being able to name some of them. Some of the top picks are Scott and John. I know they are young, but I am trying not to be too leery of his friends. John seems to be in trouble a lot. I just think, Cohen can be a good influence. So until the opposite effect takes place, I just go with it. We talk often about his day and choices. John is one of 80!



I just smiled and laughed to myself this afternoon. It can be quite a walk to the school to pick them up and back to the van. Sometimes it is quite a feat to get back to the van. Sooo many distractions. Today one of Cohen's school buddies was parked a couple of cars behind us. Cohen is usually hollering ahead to John to say good-bye. John was behind us and caught up to us. Cohen was so excited. I am sure John felt like a superstar. His dad was probably thinking so too or wow this kid is enthusiastic. Cohen quickly grabbed John's arm. I am not sure if he tried to hold his hand and John didn't return the gesture or Cohen just grabbed his wrist. John's dad was hiding behind sunglasses and a very long dark beard. I saw a smile perk through. After a few more steps they were holding hands. They were talking about the holes in the ground and what made them. Then it was time to go and they separated with their farewells and looking forward to tomorrow. Small gestures from big hearts. Love these tender moments. Makes 111 (plus) degrees a breeze to walk through!

FIVE!!!!

What a fun little guy! We love you, Cohen! Happy Birthday~ Next year let's have brownies. It doesn't help to watch Cake Boss. The kids expectation for cakes keep rising. Yet, they still just go for the icing only...whether it is fondant (yuck, in my personal opinion) or buttercream icing.
A family from the ward brought Cohen a cookie boy over for his birthday. He loved it!
Look out Mr. D.J.! Cohen playing some music. Headphones won't stay on without a little help from the girls.

Happy New Year

No, it isn't a catch up post. A new school year. This has always been the time that I renew my goals. Now we celebrate the kids starting school and all the big changes. This year we have two in school and two at home. Wild! I am excited for this change and all the growing these kids are going to do. Taylin moving forward in her education with old and new friends. Cohen will be learning the basics of school and gaining new friends. Kennedy will get to be the big girl on campus and more time with mom. She will also have some bonding time with Teague. Teague will also get more bonding time with mom and Kennedy. He is mainly my shadow for now. If he isn't my shadow, I wonder what he could possibly be getting into. I will miss the big kids tremendously. I know they will blossom so much this year.


I am pretty exhausted after today. Cohen is only doing half days Mon-Wed. No biggy, that just means loading, unloading, loading, unloading, loading, unloading...several times a day, in and out of the car. I thought the kids would crash a lot sooner. They got their second wind when they got to tell David about their first day.


A brief recap as to why I was so worried today might go worse than it did...Thursday was meet the teacher night. Yeah, right! Wow! Polly watched Teague while I took the rest of the kiddos with me. The rooms and cafeteria were packed with parents and siblings and excited kiddos. Cohen was very overwhelmed. His teacher even noticed. He was almost having a panic attack and was very insistent on me carrying him...and Kennedy...and 112 degrees of heat. I had a long walk. He is five. He is walking. I was also in a hurry to get home to relieve Polly. When we got home we just cuddled. Cohen calmed, while my worries escalated. I had seen only excitement from him until that night. I did everything I could not to show him my worries.


We had talks here and there about what he is most excited about and what his biggest fears were. The first response was: he is excited about seeing Mrs. Marcus; he is most worried about the computers not working. Silly boy! So after further discussion, I think he was ready. I did have a lifesaver watch the little ones while I took them to school. Thank you, Barbara.


Well, after all the anxiety. Things went very smoothly. It is actually uneventful. Almost like he had done this a million times. My sunglasses hid a few tears and we said our good-byes. I only have a few shots, because that is just what happened. Simple!



I did do a little moment of reflection with him and got some fun responses:



What worried you the most about starting Kindergarten?

Cohen: my friends in time out



What is your teacher like?

Cohen: She likes to smell flowers

After further direction, Cohen: happy



Lunch was...

Cohen:...it was where Taylin did her spider thing on stage. I sat by my friend with a blue shirt.



Did you meet anyone new?

Cohen: four friends...actually 5 friends; Mckenzie, Scott and I can't remember the rest.



What was your favorite part of the day?

Cohen: visiting that guy's place that let's us play with the computer

Taylin: That is media with Mr. X.



What are you looking forward to this school year?

Cohen: Learning to play the computers.



If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?

Cohen: I wanted to play blocks and the cars.



What do you think you'll learn in Kindergarten?

Cohen: How to fly a remote control helicopter

I smiled and asked again with emphasis "in Kindergarten...in school, silly?"

Cohen: How to put in the batteries? (Mom, gives him a quizzical look.) Because I don't know which way they go.



What is your favorite food?

Cohen: hot dogs



What is your favorite toy?

Cohen: My cars and airplanes



What do you want to be when you grow up?

Cohen: A builder...that builds buildings

Me: Wow, an engineer.

Cohen: no, just a builder guy



What will you do after you've answered this question?

Cohen: Play with Taylin, because I like her...I didn't get to see her all day.





Love that kid. I love how the two of them are best friends. I hope to see Kennedy and Teague gain a relationship like them while they are here. They all get along so well. Even though I am most glad I won't be referring as much with them at school. Still some sibling rivalry.



Taylin loved seeing her friends again and being at school. She told David, "My day was pretty good. (she got quiet) Except when Brandon called us a bad name." He was named "Enemy boy" at the beginning of the year last year. I encouraged her to learn his real name. I think by the end of the year she was a bit more fond of him. She said, "Mom, I am going to miss Brandon this summer. I like his smile. He has a nice smile." Well, I guess the time apart put them back to yucky boys and yucky girls. Funny!

Bottom of the Barrel Chicken (Mexican)

By bottom of the barrel, I mean: I really should have gone to the store by now. Three days ago would have been the best plan. What kind of creations can we have for dinner that meet the following criteria: 1. The kids will eat it. 2. Thinking outside of the box (a.k.a., cereal, pancakes or pb/j) 3. Use the fresh ingredients without putting them in an omelet. 4. Be creative with what we have.


At least that is what went through my head while staring into my pantry and fridge. Well, three out of the five were fans. The two that weren't fans are mostly just fans of #2 listed above and Mac & Cheese, which was served on the side. David's judgment is yet to come. He is working late tonight. Here is what I came up with. I am sharing, because I thought it was tasty myself. A definite repeat.





Ingredients:

About 4 Boneless Skinless chicken breasts (cut into half fillets)

2 T balsamic vinegar

1 to 2 t. Lemon Pepper

1T evoo

1 red bell pepper (diced)

1 med onion (diced)

1/4 cup chopped cilantro

2 minced garlic cloves

1/2 cup chicken broth

1 t. soy sauce

1 lemon or lime (I used lemon tonight, but think a lime might give it a little more zest)






Putting it all together:

Marinate chicken with balsamic vinegar and lemon pepper for 30 minutes to an hour.

Heat evoo in pan on med.

Sautee chicken until browned on the outside.

Add chicken broth, bell peppers, onion, cilantro and garlic.

After a few minutes of cooking with chicken, shred/cut/separate chicken while in pan.
Add lemon and soy sauce. Cook on low for five more minutes.





We didn't tonight, because of the lack of prep/ingredients...I think it would be tasty with tortillas and or some shredded monteray jack cheese sprinkled on top. We always have a can of beans and frozen corn around for sides. A complete meal! Yummy!





*The measurements were an estimate, since I used what was at the bottom of my barrel. Feel free to make it your own.*

Catnap

Lately, I have felt like I was supposed to schedule sleep in at night. If the kids aren't waking me up, I can't get comfortable. OR a neighborhood darling is clawing for my attention. I finally had a night where I wasn't sore or too hot. I was comfortably asleep. Well, I was up with Teague once, Kennedy once and then back to a peaceful sleep. Oh no...a couple hours later I hear some loud knocking/tapping/jumping on my window. I woke up quite startled and to our bedroom light on. Here is an interesting side note to our home. I do think it has some haunting qualities. One is our ceiling fan/light. It has a switch on the wall, but it is also controlled with a remote control. No switches on the external part of the fan itself. So we can dim the light, turn it off and change the fan speed without getting up or even clapping. Fancy! Well, the light comes on whenever it wishes. Sometimes at very random times. Not cool (small pun intended)! It never goes off on its own. If we didn't want the fan, I would just turn it off with the wall switch. We do live in AZ...fan is a must! Occasionally I will wake up to a bright light on. I don't know which one occurred first, the attacking cat or the light. I am thinking the light was probably on and a bug flew on the window and the cat was trying to catch it. Once I realized what might be going on, I turned off the bedroom light and peeked out the blinds. I saw a little white paw. The cat was just sitting below my window. I say "the" cat, because we own no cats. Nor will we ever, David is allergic (that is the only reason I am openly admitting to...except for maybe this experience). We have tall brick walls/"fences." Strays still manage to jump in and out of our yard. So, I tapped on the window to get the cat to leave. What did it do? It stepped out about a foot from the window and then just turns to look at the window. I was a bit delirious and perturbed at this point. I quickly raised the blinds and just looked at it. I am not positive I didn't make a sound or face or something. Yes, David was still asleep. The cat meandered off. It didn't go to the fence, so I went to check it out. It was just lounging on my back patio...next to the sand box. I was not going to let it leave a deed in the box, so I was still insistent on getting it to leave my yard. I flipped on the light and it just stared at me with it's tail just sweeping through the air as to say, "Yeees, can I help you?" I turned the light off and flipped the latch on the door like I was coming out, scary, I know! It finally ran off. It's first attempt to jump the wall failed and the second it was gone. My heart was still racing as I cuddled back into bed. Just as it calmed...knock, knock on my door. It was Kennedy. I handed the baton off to David. When he came back, I explained why I was a bit startled. I told him you might think it is funny, but I am a bit restless. He was surprised I went to the back door and why I didn't wake him up. Well, I knew it was a cat...plus if he wasn't awake already, I don't know what it would have taken to wake him up. I have requested the bat be moved to my side of the bed now. Ahhh, no more catnaps. Please may I have a good nights rest!

Swim Class or Swimming with Class

One swimmer verses four non-swimmers made going to the pool undesirable. We thought it was best for their safety and my sanity to sign them up. I was hesitant, because the last time I did something similar with Taylin...I wasn't very impressed. The kids did two "blitz" weeks (classes four days a week...usually done in a month) before heading to Texas. They all improved. I was very impressed with the school. Taylin only had three more things to pass off to move on to the next level. Cohen just had five. Both the girls earned their back float ribbon. Taylin's confidence and skill really improved. She was able to dive down to the bottom and pick up rings from the bottom of the pool, with some help getting back up. She isn't a swimmer yet, but she can float and glide. Here are some photos of our two weeks. Kennedy Backfloat

Cohen Backfloat

Taylin gliding to the wall from the "island."

It was fun to watch. The pool was 90 degrees and the room was 85 degrees. I think I would have fallen asleep if I watched inside. We really felt the kids made progress and hope to get back into classes when we return. After two weeks of getting three kids cleaned off in the showers, dried and dressed with an anxious one year old "watching" on made me very ready and grateful for the break.

The kids have a celebratory dance to end their two week success:

Summer Bubbles

We try different crafts or activities throughout the summer. The kids have done great at not complaining about being bored, so far. The only time Taylin gets bored is when everyone else is taking a nap. She and I have done some crafts or reading while they are sleeping, but it doesn't happen everyday. This day we tried some bubble art. It would have been fabulous if we had the right paint. It was a spur of the moment activity.





Ingredients: Dish soap, tempera paint, and water; straw and paper.
Instructions: Blow bubbles an inch above cup. Place paper on top of bubbles. Repeat to complete artwork. WARNING: Make sure kids are good at blowing. It doesn't make for a tasty (I am still not confident in spell check on that one...going with it.) drink. I was confident my kids could blow bubbles, because they try to with milk and juice drinks. I had to remind my two and a half year old it wasn't a drink. I guess she wanted to try it for herself. It didn't go very far past her taste buds before it quickly exited her mouth.





Cohen is already pushing the limits...and then we got carried away. The table became the canvas. All is well. We had fun experimenting. Better artwork will be produced next time around.

I love these kids and I love the summer. We are having fun!

Choo, Choo!

The past three places we have lived have had train parks. We were excited to find one here and it even has a carousel. Kennedy is a happy girl! They have trains to look at, fun play areas, and train rides. Anytime David has time off and energy, we try to go do something fun. Being in a big city we have lots of options. This is one of the kids' favorites. This month has been an exhausting one. This day was relaxing and fun for all.

Teague is not so sure about this little adventure. He has a death grip on David. He was more willing on the train. He wanted nothing to do with the carousel. Cohen held tight the whole time. I have to say it was a pretty quick carousel.

This was the first time around. We had a little wait. So the kids rain up and down the "lanes." Yes, they are okay and we were checking on Teague and Kennedy. Cohen got the most exercise. The second time around, the kids were a bit more adventurous. I was willing to ride next to the small cargo car, but not in it. I was concerned about the kids wanting to get out before the train ride was over. If Cohen can't stand up straight, you know it is tight. The kids stayed in the whole time without complaints.

David was a little more cramped and ready to get out.

Alphabet Parade

Photo slideshow made with Smilebox

Oh yah, a haircut!

Yes, Kennedy got her first haircut (two months ago). Not by me! I will stick to the trims. It was time she had something short, because she dislikes (very much) for her hair to be brushed. I thought she was adorable in a pony tail, but this cut has been fun and fits her personality. She did great! We still wrestle a clip or headband in for meal times. As soon as meal time is over she quickly takes them out. She is growing up!

Not a Baby Anymore

Oh but he is still our little baby! Teague turned one! What a fast year. This little man had such a calm and collect arrival April 22nd last year. It has been true for the last year...calm and collect Teague, or survival of the fourth child. He quickly outlived his time in Texas and has spent most of his life in Arizona. Texas born! He has been cruising along furniture and other things for quite some time. He became quite the speed crawler and adjusted from regular crawl to bear crawl when the terrain changed. He decided to join the little walking people in the family two days before his birthday. All our kiddos started walking quite a bit earlier than Teague. I have to say since he waited, there were less wobbles and injuries. It also might have to do with his meat distribution. Teague is full of smiles, tolerance and an all around joy to have around.

Two bouncy ball cakes per his favorite outdoor toys. He wasn't willing to dig in on his own. We cut him a slice and in he went. Not too messy, but he did enjoy his cake.

He is speaking: Mama, Dadda, Ball, Bye-bye, more(pronounced "mo") are the top vocab. He also signs a little: more, bath, high fives ;), down, ball. If he finds a hat, he loves figuring it out and will take it on and off several times before moving onto the next toddler activity. He is quite the bat and ball boy, hence "ball" being one of the first and most used words. He will carry the bat around and try to swing. He sort of golfs balls around the house. He loves to play catch and is quite the thrower. This was after one of Mom's softball games. I think he played as much ball as I did during my two games.

It takes a lot of persuasion to get his hands free of a bat or ball that he has claimed for the moment. Food is a great distraction. He is a good eater. He stays at or above average on weight and height for now. He looks like a big boy, especially next to his petite two and a half year old sister. The kids love him so much. They continue to love on him so much. Kennedy is learning to be much kinder. She is a bit mothering to him. Those are the sweet and tender moments I cherish. Several times a day I am pulling her off of him. He is quite the wrestler already, much to my dismay. It is a defensive move and I don't worry about him as much. We love this little guy and are a very happy family with each of our precious angels! We feel very blessed.

Noah and those flooded days

So the kids caught the stomach bug. I was so relieved when it had gone around before and mine were only suffering from runny noses at the worst. You should never think you are soooo immune. To think it was going to be a calm normal week. Not so easy!





I feel so bad for them when they are sick. They just want it to stop. Some sleepless nights, but some sweet cuddling and times together. It did start Thursday night with a bang. Taylin told me her tummy hurt. I suggested she lay down, try to go potty, drink some water, maybe even hang out at the potty if anything happens. While she is doing that: the heavy blinds over the kitchen sink fell on me, Teague was in need of some holding, snacks were on demand, dinner should be started, I have no clue when David will be home (ahh, the Wards month...it is always a mystery). I put a show on for the kids to get dinner started and calm them down. Taylin came to tell me how it still hurts and nothing came out in the bathroom....*splash*...oh it came out! Chocolate color (sorry for the details, but better to get the whole picture, ha!) all over the couch pillow, three feet of carpet in front of the couch, Kennedy's foot (bleck!). Now, clean up...paging David, calling cell, just to get an idea if relief is in sight, throw boys in their room with gate up, while Kennedy is standing in the bathtub waiting for me to clean her up. Everyone (except Taylin) is hungry. On and on! David walked in the door, phew! We might have a late dinner, but now we can do it all together.





With all the fun and build up, it made me think about Noah's Ark. I was reminded about the flood when I complained of a little pouring rain in my day. I didn't get to flooding stages. I didn't have to endure for near as much time. Even the hour seemed like the whole day. I had supportive friends rallying around me to laugh, cry and throw in some life saving devices ;) I really don't feel in any way burdened. Life can throw me punches, but I feel like I have boarded Noah's Ark a long time ago to prepare for these flooded times with a great family, friends and a loving Savior. I have gained great friends along the way. I have a testimony of a Savior who will lift me up when I just can't stay above water alone. Swimming with four kids holding on can get a bit difficult. Your not treading water anymore. More like gasping for air and hoping a log is nearby...or they decide to teach themselves how to swim in the state of an emergency.





I have re-evaluated my endurance. I told David the other day, after a day that I felt ended in failure, that I wish I could just run races all the time. It is the one thing I can feel successful at. Not so much a top placing or time, but a completed task. There are things I will never see the end of, never finish. There are things I will see the end of my labors some day. Many things in life are not measured by an end. Oh, to find Joy in the Journey...in the now. I must endure. Don't worry, I am not in the dumps everyday. They are the days that make me tighten my boot straps and work a little harder. Sometimes it does hurt. Most of the time I can go to bed with peace in my heart and mind. There are moments I don't know how long I will have to endure (i.e. when will David be home, when will everyone be healthy, when will they get the potty thing down, when...), those are the hardest. Even if I know David won't be home until after 7PM, at least I know how much longer I have to stretch myself and pace myself. Those things that have an end in sight (i.e., deadlines, David's rotation change, next vacation or Golden weekend) I seem to be able to pace myself. On the other hand, I find myself racing so fast to that end I lose sight of the little joys along the way...actually pretty big joys. If I pay attention those joys will lift me up and help me endure.

I was listening to the Spoken Word (with the Tabernacle Choir) today and the "host" spoke about the Apostle Paul and how he ended his life reflecting on his own endurance. Yes, he had trials and tribulations. Can I say the same as he did(on a daily basis): I have fought the good fight. I have done all I can. I have forgotten myself and served others. I have fought the good fight of faith. I was also touched by the talk given by the LDS Relief Society President, Julie Beck. She had a great talk in General Conference this past April. I can't say I felt inspired the first time I heard her talk. I kind of tuned her out at first, because I misheard something she said and quickly felt like a failure. She spoke about how important it is to be a woman of faith. Much wisdom was shared. This is a nightstand talk.





I need to endure. I need to do it with great faith. I need to find the joy along the way. This scripture has been a great reminder as well: "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." (2 Nephi 31:20) My biggest goal is to work on the "having perfect brightness of hope."





I found some sweet joys this weekend even while holding Taylin's hair back or holding Cohen's barf bowl. After getting up for the umpteenth time to help Taylin, it really took effort to talk my body into getting up. Taylin was just as tired and wanted the little stomach bug out. After feeling relief she said,"Mom, my stomach feels better. If you just massage my leg, I can really go to sleep." Two days later and a slight tummy pain, she was very careful as she added food back into her system. It took a while for her to decide what she wanted to eat for lunch. She said, "Mom, I will have half a peanut butter and honey sandwich and some crackers. That won't be too much for my stomach if I go for a half." I am glad she was thinking about quantity. The contents were not what I had in mind, but she did fine. Cohen was even farther off the path of the ideal contents. He hasn't eaten all day. I tried to encourage some crackers or something light. After a long pause and lots of thinking Cohen says with the ounce of energy he has,"Cake, I want a piece of cake." I let him down gently. Poor thing, he was so exhausted he really didn't mind that I turned it down. Kennedy tried to convince me she that her tummy hurt too and she needed to nap. I wasn't holding her back from getting some rest. I wasn't fooled by her big smile, run to the potty and bounteous energy. It was cute to see Kennedy and Teague playing together while Taylin and Cohen were sleeping most of the day. Usually Kennedy is a bit rough with Teague and tries to get a rise out of him. When it was just the two of them, she kindly played with him. They made each other laugh. They followed each other around. So sweet. A tender moment. The biggest joy was that my kiddos were on the ups enough to all be together, yet still slowed enough to cuddle. My moment of all the kiddos and I on the couch without any complaining, bickering, just lots of love...did feel like an eternity. Kennedy was making sure Cohen had some water to drink. Cohen let Kennedy sit in his lap. Teague was comfortably laid out over all of us. Taylin was cuddled up to my other side playing with my hair. Simple joys! Simple joys can be a huge strength. I just have to slow down enough to see them.